It’s election time, is there anything more tedious?
It comes around every 4 years, way too often for my liking. Endless discussions on radio, my favourite TV shows cancelled, replaced with dreary ‘leaders debates’. It’s questionable whether the participants can be classed as leaders or if the ensuing shouting match can be classed as debate.
However, there is one aspect that I love, the door to door canvassing by the election candidates. It’s the perfect opportunity to proffer your opinion on how the country should be run, from a female perspective. Never being one to shirk my responsibility to my fellow man, I always like to pitch my manifesto for a better world. It never fails to provoke some kind of response.
I like to think my ideas are more enlightened than the usual old hat they encounter on the doorstep. Afterwards, I love to watch the way they trundle off down the path, scratching their heads in bewilderment, wondering ‘did that really happen’.
My manifesto for Domestic Goddess’s everywhere.
- Reinstate Class system on public transport. Due to circumstances beyond my control, I’m forced to make the daily commute by train, mixing and mingling with the great unwashed. I would be quite prepared to pay extra for a first class carriage. A girl has standards.
- A tax credit for grooming. Women had long been discriminated when it comes to grooming. We pay more for hair styling, make up, nails, waxing, tanning. Men generally don’t have to worry about these matters (the man in my life anyway). Looking this good doesn’t come cheap. I also believe cosmetics should be available on the national health (I do believe good grooming promotes a sense of well being thereby improving the nations mental health), it should at least be tax deductible. A maintenance grant for upkeep of accessories would be helpful also. When was the last time your man had to have his pearls restrung?
- Subsidies for dog grooming. Everyone agrees that the issue of exhorbitant prices charged by dog groomers is a national scandal. Access to affordable pooch trimming should be a constitutional right.
- Free flowers every Monday to lift the mood of the nation. Say it with flowers, start the week promoting a cheery disposition and watch productivity shoot up.
- Introduction of a grant to install a secret wine cellar. An absolute must in polite society.
If you consider my manifesto to be lacking credibility, then you might want to see what ‘The Official Monster Raving Loony Party’ have to say.
- Besides leap years, there needs to be hop, skip, and jump years.
- We will reduce the national debt by selling the castles back to the French.
- Free Travel for Unicorns and to make unicorns a protected species.
- It is proposed to introduce free travel on trams and buses for musicians as they bring joy into people’s lives…. Obviously
- All Food sold in fast food establishments should be clearly marked “May contain traces of real food”
- All vegetables sold in supermarkets, should be clearly marked “Strictly for oral use only”