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Ugly Knees anyone?

imageDon’t feel too bad, you’re in good company. A host of celebrities have been outed as suffering from the same affliction.

I have bad knees. Bad as in ugly, not bad as in painful, which is something to be grateful for, I think. Have knees the size of Edam cheese rolls. I’d win any knobbly knees competition hands down.


imageThey were fine when I was twenty, but sadly have been in decline for some years now. I recently tried on a pair of boots which were tight around the calf. Beautiful rich soft suede leather with 4 inch heels, fit like a glove and very comfortable. Ecstatic at my find, I stepped over to the mirror to admire my choice of footwear. It was at that very moment I caught a glimpse of knee overflow. The tight calf’s seemed to compound this situation. My euphoria was short lived. I had what resembled a case of severe cellulite dimpling in the knee area. The white skin served only to highlight my ugly joint syndrome or Age Related Knee Deterioration which is I think the medical term. I don’t carry excess weight anywhere else(possibly deluded as well) so why God did you have to pick on the knees.

imageI’ve tried wearing ultra support tights popular with grannies everywhere. I’ve attempted fake tanning them to death leading to epic fake tan fail and orange hands. Exercise in the form of weights and cycling, I’m convinced made them worse. Massage, cabbage water diet, all to no avail. A friend has suggested contouring.  I’m not prepared to set aside 3 hours daily for knee painting.

What to do? Cover them up.

Me: “Have knees the size of Edam cheese rolls”.

Himself: “They’re fine, here have a glass of wine”

Me: “Ok, much better, knees aren’t so bad”


imageI have become accustomed to keeping them under wraps. I’m not concerned in the least. My knobbles will never see light of day again. My trendy skinny jeans will never give away my secrets.


I could resort to knobbly knee surgery but even I’m not that bonkers. I’ve resigned myself to looking forward to a future of age related knee deterioration, with possibly the added bonus of varicose veins.


It could be worse I suppose, I have a bit to go before I reach this stage.


For the purposes of making you feel better about your knees, I’m including photos of celebrity knees courtesy of The Daily Mail. A little cruel ( I know I feel a tinchy bit guilty). ..Enjoy!!