Do you feel angry more often than you should?
Do you sink into despair simply because it’s Monday, or let a bad hair day ruin your life?
What you need is inner poise. Mere mortals may seek to attain this most elusive of traits, but to a true domestic Goddess its second nature. Inner poise is about self respect, class, appreciation, etiquette.
Follow these simple guidelines to help you cope with the trials of everyday life. Watch how it brings joy and sunshine to everything you touch.
Ensure chocolate levels are kept up. I recommend 500g of chocolate or two Walnut Whips daily.
Practice wearing a crown. A tiara will do if you can’t get hold of the crown jewels. I recommend you begin with walking around the house, carry out your normal housecraft wearing your crown before attempting to venture outdoors. This will ensure excellent posture, a prerequisite to inner poise.
Acquire a pet. Preferably a poodle which adds a touch of style and glamour to your disposition. It has the added benefit that you won’t have to shake hands with any local riff raff you may encounter while going about your business. A snarling pooch will keep unwanted approaches at bay.
Take a yoga class. A guaranteed shortcut to inner poise, while meeting interesting people.
Dress impeccably, remember less is more.
Embrace adventure. Try extreme ironing if you haven’t already. I’m not exactly sure why this helps to develope inner poise, but it works for me.
Never utter the words ‘Um’ Yea’, ‘Hi’ or ‘Yo’. Acquaint yourself with the terms ‘Hello’ and ‘Yes’.
Always insist that your date picks you up. A gentleman will always open doors for a lady with inner poise.
Channel your inner Bridget Jones. Bridget’s unique brand of grace and poise is an inspiration to all.
Reply promptly to dinner party invitations, RSVPs or declines. If you can’t attend have a good excuse to hand. I always say “I’m having my pearls restrung”, but “I’m having my toenails curled” or “I’d rather stick pins in my eyes” work equally well.
Ditch the wine in favour of pink champagne. Never ever drink beer, the drink favoured by the great unwashed, loved by tradesmen everywhere. Champagne is the drink of smart sophisticates. You may find that the more of it you drink the more inner poise you feel.