For those of you feeling a little trepidation about approaching the big five oh, follow Nifty’s tips for a smooth transition from being a 40 something to becoming a ‘Quintastic’ fifty year old. It’s not all twinsets and pearls, pill boxes and hair nets. 50 is the new 35, so banish any thoughts of succumbing to the ravages of time. Your time to shine has arrived.
Lie about your age. This is a crucial first step. Change your date of birth on your Facebook profile and allow everyone to see it.
Let ‘Been there done that’ be your new mantra when it comes to doing thing you don’t like. Nobody expects you to run a marathon. When the office masochist looks for victims to accompany him/her on their next torture challenge/extreme marathon, you can feel safe in the knowledge that nobody will look in your direction. While others feel pressured into agreeing to subject themselves to electrocution, pain, exhaustion, humiliation, be glad that you’re past it (but never admit that).
Hang out with 51 year olds. Being the youngest of a group of friends means that you’ll always be the baby in the group. Even when you are all octogenarians, take comfort in the fact that they are, and always will be older than you. Take every opportunity to remind them of the fact.
Grey hair may be back in fashion but not if you are over 50.
Practice chest bumping. Shaking hands is so last century and only for grannies.
Dig out your old handbags and accessories. If you’re over 50 anything you’ve kept from your youth may now be considered ‘vintage’. Anything that pre-dates the 90’s is retro chic.
Develop an air of mystery befitting a domestic Goddess of your standing. Buy some large sunglasses and a Hermes scarf.
Don’t turn into Mrs. Doyle. A cup of tea is not the be all and end all of your existence. When visitors call, don’t immediately jump up and force feed tea and cucumber sandwiches to your unfortunate guests. A Pimms on ice (enjoyed by smart urban sophisticates everywhere) or pink champagne never fails to impress.
“After fifty, one ceases to digest. I just ferment my food now.” – Henry Green
Never wear an apron.
Never wear elasticated trousers.
Don’t be the proud owner of a sewing machine.
Pill boxes are not for pills. They are for storing your jewellery when travelling on a Greek Island cruise, or any cruise for that matter.
Embrace your inner Bridget Jones. Everything droops but there’s always Spanx. These latest foundation garments will sort that one. Someone once said that middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle. Not true.. The middle age spread doesn’t exist on planet Spanx.
Don’t become cat lady. If you must have a cat, ensure that like you, it’s dressed impeccably.
At least once a day, gaze at a picture of George Clooney for inspiration. A perfect example of a Quintastic.