• About

NiftyFiftyShades

~ Failed Domestic Goddess

NiftyFiftyShades

Category Archives: Midlife

You know you’re an adult when…

03 Wednesday Aug 2016

Posted by niftyfiftyshades in Etiquette, Humour, lifestyle, Midlife, Uncategorized

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

funny, Grown up, midlife, women

napkinfolding

1. You close your online gaming account and join a bee keeping forum. Bee keeping and napkin folding are your new passions.

 

 

 

 

plumber2. Workmen who come to your house to fix your boiler call you Mrs. “That’ll be an extra 50 euros for the new washer Mrs Ryan”.  None of the familiar terms of endearment, ‘love’ or ‘sunshine’ will be uttered.  It’s the least they could do to address you formally and with respect while fleecing you for every last penny.  “Standards must be maintained” will be your new mantra.

brigjones-icecream3. You could eat a whole tub of Haagen Dazs if you wanted to but choose not to. The only person wagging a finger at you as you reach for the fridge is yourself. You can stuff your face with sweets with carefree youthful abandon but you wont.  The bathroom scales will be ever present in your thoughts. It’s not as much fun anyway when there’s no one to scold you.

4. You say more appropriate things than inappropriate things. This anomaly may reverse in time.  When you’re past middle age you revert to saying more inappropriate things than appropriate, or what I like to call – radical honesty.

messy

 

 

5. You develop an awareness of hygiene that was never present in your teenage years.   You become acquainted with the vacuum cleaner.   It never troubled you before but suddenly the collection of socks under the bed makes you queasy.

sitdown6. You’re fond of a old ‘sit down’.

cushion

7. You develop a cushion fixation. Your shopping habits change.  You still like the odd impulse buy but you’re more likely to find yourself in the haberdashery department of Brown Thomas than looking at Gucci handbags.  Who doesn’t love new cushions?

toaster

8. Buying a new appliance makes you more giddy than a thirteen year old at a Justin Bieber concert. You actually read the instructions on how to care for your new stand mixer.

9. Beer will no longer cut the mustard. You discover the joys of a glass of wine.

 

Wine-instead-os-milk

 

Signs you’ve given up on life

25 Wednesday May 2016

Posted by niftyfiftyshades in Etiquette, Fashion, Humour, lifestyle, Midlife, Uncategorized

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

midlife, women

imageA picture of a burka clad Anne Robinson in today’s Daily Mail got me thinking.  Some days it’s easier to hide behind baggy clothes.

Maybe you didn’t bother to check in the mirror and failed to notice that you are wearing navy trousers and black shoes but that doesn’t mean that you’ve completely given up on life.  No need to sound the full ‘I’m having a mental breakdown’ klaxon just yet.   A minor blip.  You may allow your crown to slip occasionally, but beware fellow Goddesses, it may be the start of the slide into decrepitude.

If you seek acceptance into polite society you must heed the warning signs.  If you fail more than two of the following tests, you are definitely displaying signs that you’ve given up on life.  You may need therapy to restore order.

imageWearing elasticated trousers.  This shows a complete disregard for society in general.  While ‘Thanksgiving pants’ as worn by Joey in Friends, may be permitted as a vehicle for comedy but in real life are an absolute no no.  Equally, referring to trousers as ‘relaxed fit’ or ‘slacks’, a serious crime against good taste.  If you wear tracksuit bottoms when not exercising, don’t bother with therapy, go straight to the asylum.  Perhaps it might be an idea to keep an outfit on standby, maybe some sort of bee keeping ensemble, it would be preferable to tracksuits.  Anne Robinson’s would do well to heed my advice.

image
image
image

You bump into someone you haven’t seen for some time and  they proceed to tell you about the fabulous cocktail parties they’ve been and their last holiday in the Cinque Terre.   They ask you ‘What have you been up to’ and you can’t be bothered lying.  You realise that you haven’t been anywhere.  My advice, just say ‘Oh, the usual, extreme ironing, can’t get enough of it’.

image

You try to lift your mood with a spot of retail therapy resulting in unwanted purchases.  Dust mop slippers.  I rest my case.

 

 

 

 

image

Procrastination.  If this is your mantra “Hard work pays off but procrastination pays off now”.

 

image
image

Brandishing a Primark bag.  By all means shop to your hearts content here but don’t flaunt it.  Standards must be maintained at all times. At least have the good sense to conceal it in a Brown Thomas bag.

 

image
image

You fall asleep anywhere.

image

 

 

You only apply nail polish to your big toe, the others won’t be seen.

 

 

 

 

 

imageYou haven’t seen your bedroom floor in over 3 months due to an assortment of clothes, mugs, books and magazines strewn around. This far exceeds the normal realms of messy.  Nothing screams ‘Look at me, I’m celebate ’  more than going to sleep under a pile of magazines and a laptop.

 

 

 

 

imageWellies.  Only wear if you are a farmer.  Even posh Hunter wellies ceased to be acceptable in 1981 when Prince Charles was snapped wearing them.

 

image

 

Your handbag is a health hazard.  It’s stuffed with tissues, receipts and chewing gum with bits of grit stuck to it.  Your purse smells of the cheese sandwich which you bought two days ago and forgot about.

 

 

You choose vodka

image.png

If you fail the test, you are not the only one suffering from your descent into the abyss,  the mental scars extend to your pooch.

This is a dog who fully understands and supports your ‘I’ve given up on life’ behaviour.

image.jpeg

 

My First Job

18 Wednesday May 2016

Posted by niftyfiftyshades in Midlife, Personal stuff, work

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

cinema, teenage, women, work

imageOff to town to get a job.  The Green cinema on St. Stephen’s Green, an old Irish institution had a sign ‘Staff Wanted’.  It was a lovely old theatre, the only cinema in town boasting ‘love seats’ – two seater seats for couples.  A family run affair, two sisters despite being octogenarians were still holding the fort.  Mrs. Daly and Miss Noone, both favoured pleated tweed skirts, twinsets and pearls. When it opened its doors it boasted state  of the art technology, some seats equipped with a Fortephone apparatus which enabled patrons suffering from deafness to hear the soundtrack. By the 1980’s it looked a bit tired but that made it all the more appealing.

imageOn a day off school school with my friend Mary, we called one afternoon looking for a job.  Yes, they could take us both on that Saturday evening, but a training day on Friday was necessary to acquaint ourselves with the mysteries of usheretting.  I was apprehensive but Mary fancied the guy in the projector room.. offer duly accepted.

 

 

imageMiss Daly, one of the sibling propieters, handed out torches.  Tooled up, training commenced.   As the complexities of torch holding were explained, it became obvious that there was more to this showing people to their seats business than meets the eye.   ‘Keep the torch low’ Miss Noone commanded, flicking the torch discretely along the aisle’s edge as she walked.  Only after a couple of hours training had we adequately mastered the level of torch holding skills required to be fully fledged usherettes.

image.jpegDespite having to wear a kimono type overall, the sense of empowerment my torch brought made up for it.  ‘This way please’, ‘No smoking in rows 10 to 14’.  I was beginning to enjoy bossing adults about (well I was only 15).  There was a real problem with people buying standard seats trying to get into the premium love seats.  Observation skills and a sharp eye were required to patrol the aisles.  The power could go to your head, ejecting punters attempting to commandeer a love seat without the proper ticket.

image
image

Overly amorous couples in the love seats fell into Mrs Daly’s area of expertise.   ‘Stop that carry on now’ she’d prod some unfortunate spotty teenager in the shoulder with her torch.  This work required a bigger torch than mine.

image.jpegA horror film called “When a Stranger Calls” was showing.  I got to see the first 40 minutes of it each night, but never got to see the happy ending as my shift finished at 10pm.  So I’d watch until I reached a level of terror that turned me to a quivering wreck, but miss the bit at the end where calm is restored and your heart rate returns to normal.   I invariably left the cinema looking over my shoulder.  Once home, too scared to go to sleep  with the light off.

 

 

 

image.jpegWe worked there for the Summer and left when school started back in September.  Mary went off the projector guy anyway.

The Six Stages of Spanx

04 Wednesday May 2016

Posted by niftyfiftyshades in Beauty, Etiquette, Fashion, Humour, lifestyle, Midlife, Shopping, Uncategorized

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Fashion, funny, midlife, spanx, women

A friend of mine recently posed the question.  Should women of a certain age ditch the silky smalls  and embrace Spanx on a full time basis?

With a family wedding approaching I must use whatever means of deception available to me to ensure smooth lines.  While I’m a great proponent of the big Bridget Jones knickers (my secrets out) I find I’ve reached the stage where I need to progress to something stronger.  I intend taking myself into Brown Thomas’s to seek out some industrial strength elastic.

image

For the uninitiated,  let me guide you through  The Six Stages of Spanx.

  1. image.jpegThe Decision:  Will I won’t I?  Weighing up the pros and cons. If you find that your cellulite is visible through thick skirts, or your posterior resembles a lumpy loot bag, well I guess the answer is yes. But then again, you are quite fond of breathing, and would like to continue to breath in the future. The thing is, although they look awful, the latest hi-tech engineered fabric prevents all lumps and bumps from showing through even the flimsiest of clothing. The resulting svelte outline a joy to behold. They make a Primark dress look like Dior (I may be exaggerating a little). Regardless of whether you are overweight or not, we can all benefit from a smooth sleek silhouette. Never mind what you look like underneath, never mind that you will sweat, blister, feel like a stuffed sausage and cease to breath. Pay no heed to the fact that your organs are being squashed or that your legs are numb. These crucial side effects will be duly ignored in the debate. Should you embrace your inner Bridget Jones? You will decide that the answer is YES. Don’t imagine you’d get a look in with the likes of Mark Darcy with an arse the size of small country.image
  2. Choosing:       Beware of some classic mistakes.       Never wear the long cycling short type under trousers. The legs roll up and look unsightly. Never try to overdo it. If you are size 14 don’t buy size 10 determined to squeeze into them. You might succeed in getting them on, but like a biological game of musical chairs, the unwanted wobbly bits have to go somewhere, usually up.       You could end up with an unsightly double chin, or an extra pair of boobs. Also bear in mind that they have to come off at some point. Remember what happened to the style icon herself, Bridget Jones. She wore a corset that rolled up at the both top and bottom, resulting in a perfect not so little roll around the middle.
  3. imageThe Religious Experience: Spanx are a gift from God. Once a devotee, you may never leave home without them again. Spanx worship is a common phenomena.
  4. The Secret: No bungee jumping, rock climbing, foxtrotting, breathing normally. No one must know you are wearing them.  Life must be put on hold to prevent a glimpse of your hidden elastic. No one must suspect your addiction to it.
  5. Admission:    Eventually the enormity of the secret will cause a meltdown and you will admit to wearing them. A friend will notice you are wearing a lot of tight fitting clothes of late and question where the tents have disappeared to. ‘OK..I’m wearing them’ you will snap.
  6. imageWeaning off Elastic: Wearing Spanx eventually leads to a lifelong addiction to elastic. The day may come when you decide to let it all hang out, and you won’t be prepared. An exit strategy should be considered.    I understand that there are programs where you can be weaned off elastic, but none with any great success that I’m aware of.

 

 

 

“However, chances of reaching crucial moment greatly increased by wearing these scary stomach-holding in pants, loved by grannies all over the world”  ..Helen Feilding.  Bridget Jones Diary

image
image

 

 

Finding The One

26 Tuesday Apr 2016

Posted by niftyfiftyshades in Etiquette, Humour, lifestyle, Midlife, Uncategorized

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

family, funny, Love, midlife, women

The institution of marriage is a serious business and should never be enterprised lightly or wantonly according to my good friend Mrs. Mills.

A report in yesterday’s Dail Mail claims that an algorithm has been developed to find Mr. Perfect.  Whisky Tango Foxtrot!!

image.jpegWhat to look for in a man? Brave, intelligent, suave, sophisticated, thoughtful, kind, handsome, funny?  Wrong, solvent, hygenic and not afraid of the odd bit of housework .   Find a man who can keep you in the style you would like to become accustomed to who doesn’t have his own personal odour.  Forget GSOH or SWM, when placing your personal ad in The Farmers Journal include HLOD(has loads of dosh) and DS (doesn’t smell).

As an expert on such matters, I feel it’s my duty to share other qualities often overlooked when it comes to choosing your man.  No need to resort to dodgy matchmaking sites making dubious claims while charging an arm and a leg.  Neither internet or algorithms have a place in cupids plans.  Ignore my counsel at your peril.  My advice has over the years prevented many an unsuitable attachment

image.jpeg

  1. imageYou may need a measuring tape for this one. A man may be judged on the length of his sideburns. Sideburns should never exceed 4 cm in length.    I recommend carrying a small ruler or measuring tape on your person on first dates. Immediately discount any potential suitors overstepping the mark. When it comes to the sideburn rule, all severities in (even Bridget has to ask Mark Darcy to reconsider the length of his sideburns).

 

 

image2. The correct level of forgetfulness. A man should never remember anything you say, but still retain the ability to remember anniversaries and birthdays.

 

3. The perfect man should suffer from body dysmorphia, when it comes to his partner that is. He will always view you as ‘a mere slip of a thing’, regardless of your weight or size. The words ‘fat’, ‘chubby’, ‘stout’, ‘well rounded’, ‘child bearing hips’ will never pass his lips. These words will simply fail to exist in his vocabulary.

image

image4. A man should never let the side down on the dance floor. The ability to tango or quick step should be held in the highest esteem. This shows an innate talent to interpret and communicate feelings through the physical form. Word of warning though, draw the line at sparkly unitards if your man is over the age of 24. Mr. Fifty loves nothing more than to start the day with an invigorating foxtrot.

image

 

5. A man should be able to hold his whiskey. This comes in useful if you’ve had more than a few ‘lemonades’ and need a steady hand to guide you home.   If just doesn’t work if both you and your partner are a bit on the wobbly side.

image

image6. A man should never indulge in excessive grooming. Anything more than a haircut every 6 weeks is vulgar excess.  Remember, the entire household grooming budget is for you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

image7. Never date a man who wears socks with sandals, a clear sign of a deeply disturbed mind.

 

 

 

 

MCDOCEL EC042

OCEAN’S ELEVEN, George Clooney, 2001, © Warner Brothers

7. If your suitor answers to last name Clooney, first name George, discount numbers 1, 4,2 and 5 above. Also 3 and 6. He’ll do just fine.

image

Some ideas for personal ads?

image

 

Blindness by Blogging

02 Saturday Apr 2016

Posted by niftyfiftyshades in Beauty, Humour, lifestyle, Midlife, Personal stuff, Uncategorized

≈ 8 Comments

 

imageOptician:   That comes to  Eur 638.75

Me:             Are they 24 carat solid gold?

Optician :  No

Me:              Are the diamond encrusted?

Optician:   No.

Me:              Have they been hand crafted by nymphs.

Optician:    No.

Me:              Have they been lovingly buffed by French nuns.

Optician:    No

Me:              But they are nice and designery…

Optician:   Yes.

imageMmm!! Which to choose.  Blindness or spectacles

imageMy blog is almost three months old.  It began as a technical challenge, playing about with WordPress, trying different themes, mucking about with plugins, most enjoyable.  Now that I’ve acquainted myself with the wondrous mysteries of the Twitter machine I’m addicted.

image

Only problem is, my eyes are sore.  The dreaded day has arrived, I must wear spectacles full time.   I’ve managed until now with glasses just for reading.  I’m perfectly happy to go about my business half blind rather than cave in and wear glasses full time .  It doesn’t bother me one iota if I can’t make out the number of an approaching bus.

Alas, things have taken a sinister turn… headaches, eye strain…this blogging business has left me with ‘tired eyes’ .   I must confess, I’m tempted to choose blindness and headaches over spectacles, vanity over common sense.

imageFocus on the positive..

Glasses suggest intelligence (not geekiness  or nerdiness, no… intelligence).

It’s another way to accessorise, and we all know accessories doth maketh the woman.  I’m thinking cute librarian look.

Will no longer squint to read.

May be mistaken for an Indie rock star  (well, it could happen).

imageGlasses add an aura of mystery, sophistication, serenity.. in manner of Grace Kelly.

image

 

 

 

 

 

 

May prevent domestic accidents, like taking your dogs’ worming tablet instead of an indigestion tablet.

May prevent traffic accident ( I think being able to see is a requisite to driving).

Gorgeous George still gorgeous with glasses……

image
image

I  will NOT  focus on the negatives…

Will lose them every 5 minutes, will spend 3 hours daily looking under cushions.

Will think I’ve lost them when still on my head.

image

Will sit on them resulting in a tangled mess.

 

 

Will get fogged up every time I stand near the cooker (maybe that’s a plus – excuse to avoid cooker).

Will fall asleep with them on and wake up with indents in my forehead.

May be mistaken for Indie rock star.

imageWill need special goggles if I ever get a sudden urge to take up diving, skiing, bunji  jumping, female boxing,  surfing or even just frolicking in the sea.   However, the alternative view could be to my advantage – ‘sorry, can’t go frolicking in the sea today  –  havn’t got the right glasses’.

No longer blissfully unaware of huge pore situation and other facial imperfections.

 

 

Still not convinced.  Might need some other sort of glasses to help me decide…

image

 

Nifty Pick Me Ups

21 Monday Mar 2016

Posted by niftyfiftyshades in Beauty, Etiquette, Humour, lifestyle, Midlife, Uncategorized

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

family, funny, midlife

imageEven a Domestic Goddesses can have an off day when her crown slips. Never fear, Nifty is here with her top 10 tips, a few pearls of wisdom to restore your good spirits.

A word of warning, you may need to switch off your brain before reading.

 

 

 

 

image1. Take up a new hobby.   Make diminutive rocking chairs from clothes pegs.  Keep making until you have a whole peggy forest of rocking chairs.  Be careful not to show your new hobby to family members as they may insist on you being institutionalised.

 

 

 

2. Buy a new cushion. The value and status a good cushion adds to your homestead cannot be overstated. If I am ever to divorce, the quantity of cushions in my abode may be the subject of proceedings. Himself threatens to leave if I bring another single cushion into the house.

imageI don’t understand this aversion. A good quality feather stuffed cushion will add warmth and style to your sofa and what else can bring a room together like a well placed cushion. What’s not to love?. If your loved one complains, threaten to replace him with a cushion if he’s not careful.

It’s a universal truth that cushions are a woman’s best friend, not diamonds.

image

image

 

 

 

 

 

3. Tea in bed. The restorative benefits of a cup of tea in bed should not be underestimated. For a weekend treat I request Figment my butler bring  the morning edition, crisp, clean and freshly ironed.

 

image.jpeg4. challenge your verbal skills.  Imaging lines that Elizabeth Bennett would deliver to Mr. Darcy in your remake of Pride and Prejudice. “Mr. Darcy, I am undone….”.  Use words like ‘esteemed’,’tolerable’,’piano forte’ or ‘accomplished’.

 

image5. Buy some new accessories. Accessories doth make’th the woman. It’s so difficult to find a good craftsman to restring your pearls. Buy some fake ones which will do for everyday wear. Teamed with your Hermes scarf (a must for any woman of consequence) no one will know the difference.

 

 

 

6. Eat something yummy. If you don’t have quail eggs to hand, Walnut Whips never fail to offer 100% satisfaction.

 

imageBefore

7. Be Fabulous. Sometimes is easy to forget just how fabulous you are. Get grooming, primping, preening, crimping, polishing, de-fuzzing, tweezing, plucking or what ever it takes.  Arm yourself with the tools of the beauty trade and return yourself to a state of fabulousness.

imageAfter

 

image
image

Try something new when it comes to nails.

 

image8. Write a blog. My favourite thing of all, researching (yeah right!!) content for my blog. Not only great fun, but an excuse for everything. You’re not having a lie in on a Sunday morning, you’re researching your blog. Your late for something, you can say you’re carrying out crucial research for your blog. There’s no slippers and newspaper at the ready when your loved one comes home, again, essential blog research the culprit.

image

9. What list of pick-me-ups would be complete without a picture of Gorgeous George (an excuse to include a picture of him).

 

 

10. If all this fails there is always wine!

image

 

Ugly Knee Syndrome

18 Friday Mar 2016

Posted by niftyfiftyshades in Humour, lifestyle, Midlife, Personal stuff, Uncategorized

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Fashion, funny, Knees, midlife, women

Ugly Knees anyone?

imageDon’t feel too bad, you’re in good company. A host of celebrities have been outed as suffering from the same affliction.

I have bad knees. Bad as in ugly, not bad as in painful, which is something to be grateful for, I think. Have knees the size of Edam cheese rolls. I’d win any knobbly knees competition hands down.

 

imageThey were fine when I was twenty, but sadly have been in decline for some years now. I recently tried on a pair of boots which were tight around the calf. Beautiful rich soft suede leather with 4 inch heels, fit like a glove and very comfortable. Ecstatic at my find, I stepped over to the mirror to admire my choice of footwear. It was at that very moment I caught a glimpse of knee overflow. The tight calf’s seemed to compound this situation. My euphoria was short lived. I had what resembled a case of severe cellulite dimpling in the knee area. The white skin served only to highlight my ugly joint syndrome or Age Related Knee Deterioration which is I think the medical term. I don’t carry excess weight anywhere else(possibly deluded as well) so why God did you have to pick on the knees.

imageI’ve tried wearing ultra support tights popular with grannies everywhere. I’ve attempted fake tanning them to death leading to epic fake tan fail and orange hands. Exercise in the form of weights and cycling, I’m convinced made them worse. Massage, cabbage water diet, all to no avail. A friend has suggested contouring.  I’m not prepared to set aside 3 hours daily for knee painting.

What to do? Cover them up.

Me: “Have knees the size of Edam cheese rolls”.

Himself: “They’re fine, here have a glass of wine”

Me: “Ok, much better, knees aren’t so bad”

 

imageI have become accustomed to keeping them under wraps. I’m not concerned in the least. My knobbles will never see light of day again. My trendy skinny jeans will never give away my secrets.

 

I could resort to knobbly knee surgery but even I’m not that bonkers. I’ve resigned myself to looking forward to a future of age related knee deterioration, with possibly the added bonus of varicose veins.

 

It could be worse I suppose, I have a bit to go before I reach this stage.

image

For the purposes of making you feel better about your knees, I’m including photos of celebrity knees courtesy of The Daily Mail. A little cruel ( I know I feel a tinchy bit guilty). ..Enjoy!!

image

image
image
image

Let’s Pretend it’s Summer

09 Wednesday Mar 2016

Posted by niftyfiftyshades in Beauty, food, Humour, lifestyle, Midlife, Uncategorized

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Drink, funny, midlife, Summer, women

 

 

image.jpegLets Pretend it’s Summer

If raindrops on roses or whiskers on kittens don’t do it for you, try one of my favourite things to put a spring in your step.

imagePretend it’s Summer. Living on an island where it rains for 365 days a year, any respite from the grey clouds, any glimpse of blue sky must be celebrated by stepping out and making the most of it. If by some freak of nature, we manage to get a couple of sunny days in the ‘Summer’ as a nation we join in the fun and frolics talking endlessly about picnics and sunburn. Sales of shorts and sun tops soar regardless of the fact that you will only get to wear them once.

 

imageEver the optimist, I recommend that you do a I do, join in the frenzy of buying barbeques, straw hats, beach umbrellas, factor 50 sun screen. If by the time you arrive home with your treasures the sun has disappeared (which is highly likely) you may have to play the lets pretend game. Follow these instructions and I guarantee satisfaction. You will be transported from your dull cloudy day to a tropical South Seas beach.

image

Switch on the central heating and parade around the house in shorts and flip-flops as you would on a rare sweltering July day. The beauty of this is that you can try this any time of year. March is the perfect time as by now you’re sick to death of the endless days of deluge.

imageGet out your old Wham records and sing along to Club Tropicana.

Relax on your sun lounger(which you’ve brought indoors).

 

Browse holiday brochures while waiting on fake tan to dry

 

 

 

imageSip homemade lemonade, suck on a cool pop or better still, have Himself bring you a Pimms on Ice. I find the alcohol encourages enthusiastic participation in this little role play.

 

 

 

imageWhile lounging back, have Your loved one (dressed in a toga obviously) drop grapes into your mouth.

Complain about the stifling heat, as it wouldn’t be real if we didn’t complain about something.

image

Get some sand from the beach and place it in a icing sugar shaker. When you are eating your sandwiches, shake a little sand over them for that authentic crunchy taste you only get on a beach picnic.

imageComplain about the sand in your sandwiches.

Burn a few coconut scented candles to add a tropical feel to your little beach hideaway.

image

If by this time you haven’t embraced your inner beach Goddess, finish the bottle of Pimms, that should transport you to another dimension.

image

Ahh!!The Eighties Blockbuster

04 Friday Mar 2016

Posted by niftyfiftyshades in Books, Humour, Midlife

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Books

imageAhh!! The Eighties Blockbuster

As its national book day, I feel a bookish theme coming on for my blog.  Also, a challenge from a fellow blogger to use the word ‘library’ in a story.

imageMy expertise in the book department extends to the fact that I read.  Growing up, there was no shortage of books left lying around the house by my five older sisters.  They were well thumbed, in fact probably diseased by the time I got them.  It would take more than a few congealed crumbs or tea stained pages to put me off.  A large portion of the books adorning our shelves were old fashioned, but I didn’t care.  Swallows and Amazons, Just William, mouldy books that had been stuck on the shelf for years, I’d read them anyway, when I’d finished the Jackie.

Our local library in Raheny was too far away and I wasn’t allowed go there alone which really pissed me off.  A day I remember clearly, when I was about 9 years old,  a big lorry rolled up our street, the mobile library had arrived.  Delight all round at this momentous event.   Every kid in the neighbourhood wanted to have a poke around it, even the ones who had no interest in reading.  God help us, excitement was a bit thin on the ground back then.  It wouldn’t happen today, kids today getting excited about a tiny library.   And it was tiny.  It arrived every Wednesday for two hours.  You had to get there early to find a good one.  I remember a series of books called ‘The Bobbsey Twins’.  They were in great demand, and if you found one you held on to it, you daren’t put it down or it would be snapped up.  ‘The Bobbsey Twins on Blueberry Island’ was my favourite, I read it many times over.  For some reason most other books were set in English schools, whereas the Bobbsey’s lived in America.  Exactly like the Brady Bunch and it doesn’t get more exotic that that (even now I want an Alice).  My sister and I would get in the queue early and once inside, I’d start at one end and she’d take the other and we’d scour the shelves for any sighting of a Bobbsie Twin.

imageThere was a library in school which we wouldn’t be caught dead in due to the overly religious theme to all of the books, beyond boring as all the characters had halos.

But then came…

imageThe eighties blockbusters novels.  Passed around to all and sundry.  While there wasn’t as much choice, at least this meant that everybody read the same books and you could discuss and dissect with your friends the finer details of the predictable plots which were without exception driven by lust, love and revenge.  Always formulaic, innocent girl (beautiful of course) meets powerful hero, throw in a quirky friend and a slimey playboy called Dimitri.

We devoured those books.  I’ve no doubt I enjoyed the reading experience more back then.  I don’t think there was a girl in the office who hadn’t read Jilly Cooper, ‘Riders’ and ‘Rivals’, Sidney Sheldons ‘The Other Side of Midnight’ and a series of books the first of which was ‘Flowers in the Attic’.  Jackie Collins was standard issue and of course Shirley Conran if you wanted to be considered a woman of substance.

A few years ago I did attempt writing my epic novel.  I quickly realised how difficult a challenge I’d set myself and promptly changed tack, deciding that my writing skills more suited to chick lit, that I should stop deluding myself that I had any writing talent.  As it turned out, my effort at chick lit didn’t make the grade either.  My manuscript returned to me covered in scribbles outlining exactly where my rags to riches tale of intrigue failed (thank God it never saw the light of day as I’d hate to put my name to such God-awful drivel – even worse than my blog).

And so, I credit The Bobbsie Twins and the mobile library with giving me an appreciation of the written word.

imageWhere would any domestic Goddess be without a good book to lend a touch of fantasy to her hum drum existence.

 

 

 

← Older posts

Categories

  • Beauty
  • Books
  • Drink
  • Education
  • Etiquette
  • Fashion
  • food
  • Hair
  • Health
  • Housework
  • Humour
  • lifestyle
  • Midlife
  • parenting
  • Personal stuff
  • Shopping
  • Sport
  • Travel
  • Uncategorized
  • work

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 110 other followers

Instagram

No Instagram images were found.

Some posts

  • April 2017
  • August 2016
  • July 2016
  • June 2016
  • May 2016
  • April 2016
  • March 2016
  • February 2016
  • January 2016
  • December 2015

niftyfiftyshades

niftyfiftyshades
Follow NiftyFiftyShades on WordPress.com

Nifty

Read about my failings as I muddle through midlife

Blog at WordPress.com.

Privacy & Cookies: This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this website, you agree to their use.
To find out more, including how to control cookies, see here: Cookie Policy
  • Follow Following
    • NiftyFiftyShades
    • Join 110 other followers
    • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
    • NiftyFiftyShades
    • Customize
    • Follow Following
    • Sign up
    • Log in
    • Report this content
    • View site in Reader
    • Manage subscriptions
    • Collapse this bar
 

Loading Comments...