My phone is bleeping to very kindly tell me that traffic is heavy and I’ll arrive home in 12 minutes. Only problem is that I’m at home already. I really need to go into this traffic app and switch off the notifications. If only I could muster up enough enthusiasm to tick a box. I’d have to remember which app is responsible too. Thinking of all the boxes that require ticking is stressing me out. It’s easier to just ignore the bleeps. I know that on the scale of life’s trials, it up there with having to resort to drinking Cava when all the Champagne has run out.
We all sign up for all sorts of aids to keep us on the straight and narrow. Apps to help us navigate our way through traffic, to tell us when someone tweeted some hilarious inspirational quote that they stole from Facebook or that someone you don’t know is going to an event near you.
The problem is this, clever app developers know how to instil a sense of urgency to make you open the app to find out more. When I get a notification to tell me that Justin Beiber has changed his hair parting, I feel the need to open up the app to investigate further, regardless of the fact that I couldn’t care less if JB himself appeared in front of me in person in the nip to sing me a lullaby (sorry for putting that image in your head).
Admittedly, sometimes they can brighten up a hum drum existence. When there’s nothing else going on in my life I’m happy in the knowledge that George Clooney is whooping it up in Venice.
And there is the fact that I have been known to panic if I look at my phone only to realise that I’ve no new notifications.
A worrying trend is companies collecting both customer profile and behavioural data to send personalized notifications. Apparently I’ve reached the age where I’m considered a candidate for a face lift, why else am I targeted with notifications about new cosmetic procedures. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot! I hadn’t been thinking of life threatening facial disfigurement, but now that I’ve been notified, I’m suddenly dwelling on the sagginess of my jaw line.
Having given this some thought, I’ve resolved to tick a few boxes and banish these nuisance push notifications forever.
First thing tomorrow!